Friday, October 21, 2011

Marriage IS a bed of roses

Salam and Ola to my lovely readers!

Yesterday, I found an interesting post on marriage from my dear friend, Amrah. 

I have similar feeling about marriage. Marriage definitely includes responsibility but some of us take responsibility to another level, thus marriage becomes more of a chore. It's actually more than just that. 

Hubby and I have gone through five blissful years and 2 wonderful kids, Alhamdulillah... but I would never say I'm a Marriage Expert. I'm no Marriage Doctor but I would love to share some of my experience.

At the beginning of our marriage; the honeymoon phase, Yes, everything was peachy. After the 'akad' (solemnization) was performed, I can still remember thinking to myself , 

"Ok, that's it, I'm married now. I'm married?" 

It felt surreal, it felt like I was watching a drama. That wonderful feeling of joy engulfed me and I was in tears; my heart suddenly felt like it doubled in size and I honestly felt like I was walking on some puffy clouds. 

I remember that I had some expectations. The plans and the mental image that I had was picture-perfect. I also remember the very first few quarrels we had at the very start of our marriage, most of which were petty stuffs. Sometimes it happened out of annoyance; bad habits, high expectations, the works!

Getting married is like moving to a foreign country; so expect some degree of culture shock. Both you and your hubby won't always speak the same language. For us , we were already in a foreign country, Glasgow. The language may be the same, English but the Scottish accent, well that took time getting used to. That's exactly the same with marriage. You need to take your own time and allow yourselves to adjust to your new 'culture'. Marriage is big on adjustment. After some time, the shock will wear off and you will feel right at home. 

You see, it doesn't matter how long you were already in a relationship prior to marriage because when you get married, you will realize there are certainly a lot more new things that you discover. It can take a while to get used to everything new in your life. Time helps you get in the groove of married life. So at first you're adjusting to each other. 

You may discover flaws but to me, these little flaws are what makes our relationship perfect. My hubby snores. At first I was a tiny bit annoyed, especially after a long day in Uni. After a while, his snores are like lullabies to my ears and when we're apart, I miss the snores! I, on the other hand, can easily take hours to get ready but dear hubby can sit down patiently checking his emails, watching the telly, reading the newspaper or lay back and wait. So we adjusted, we're like each others' missing piece of puzzle; I complete his and he completes mine.

True that marriage is indeed a journey. Both of me and hubby learn new things about each other and I love it that he supports and believes in me, no matter what I choose to do. I trust him and he trusts me. Nevermind the distance that now separates us but we are one by heart, he's in mine and I'm in his. Sure, we've had our squabbles but who doesn't? We've had our ups and downs this past five years. We learnt that sometimes things may not go as planned, so just go with the flow. We've got each other and we know what's best for our family, certainly no need to emulate others because our marriage has blossomed beautifully, Masyaallah.  

Sure, everyone have their own expectations but remember not to get too caught up with the idea of a perfect marriage. What's a perfect marriage, anyway? There really isn't any standard operating procedure for marriage. It is all up to you. You will only be as happy as you choose to be regardless of your situation.Don't let the words of others predicate your own thoughts and behaviour. If you do, you might get frustrated!

" When we get married, we're like square paving stones. The goal of marriage is to make us round and smooth. The first year knocks off all our corners, leaving rough edges. With each passing year we smooth those edges out until we have the result we'd been hoping for... it takes time to make our marriages round and polished...."    

Marriage is a bed of roses; thorns and soft lovely petals, all inclusive.

Hubby and yours truly 



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